I've come to realize through a series of—let's call them unfortunate—events that I don't treat the people I most care about the way they deserve. I don't give them the love they deserve or the love they give to me in equal quantities back.
It took a new person coming into my life, falling in love with him, and having him call me out on it for me to realize the flaw in my attitude.
He's actually called me out several times. Several fights. Several almost break-ups...
It took all this for me to take a long, hard look at myself and realize I'm not worthy of all this love if this is how I react to it. If this is how I pay people back for it.
When he first called me out on it, I thought he was overreacting. That he didn't know me well enough to realize I'm a bit cold sometimes, even with the people I care about and love. I didn't give it another thought and chalked it up to a misunderstanding between two new people getting into a relationship.
The second time it happened, it felt like déjà vu. Actually, every other time since then has been a déjà vu experience. I keep making the same mistakes.
It's taken a lot of mistakes for me to own up to what I've been doing wrong. I treat people that are closest to me carelessly, and I don't realize I've done so before it's too late and feelings have already been hurt and the trust in the relationship has already been shattered.
I have to stop. I need to. For my sake and especially for all my loved ones' sakes.
This is a promise I'm making, on October 8th, 2014, to become a better person and not only say I love or care for people, but to actually show it to them. I want them to know how grateful I am for their love and that I return it.